yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
