Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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