No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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