That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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