Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD

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(281): View more from Texas

In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?

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(316): View more from Kansas

My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car

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