Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
