Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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