If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
