Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
