he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
