I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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