I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
