dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
