Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
