I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize