god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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