I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
