I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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