she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
