At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
