did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
