another moral hangover. fuck.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
