I hate your face
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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