That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
