If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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