Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
