so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
