dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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