Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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