It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
