I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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