Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
