i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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