You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
