Where did you get a picture of my penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
