For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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