Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
