if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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