Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
