worst night to have a conscience
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Shame - the story of my life.
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