I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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