he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
