I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
