His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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