She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
