Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize