Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize