Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
