i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
