Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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