I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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