I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
