Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
