i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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