Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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