my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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