i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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