oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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