Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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