Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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