There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
