apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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