she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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