I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
