I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
