i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
