Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
