I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
