She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
