There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
