We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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