Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
