ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
