Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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