Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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